5 Questions To Know If You Are A Good Spouse
Are you a good wife or husband? It seems like most people think that they are but with the high divorce rate of today and the large number of troubled marriages, it’s not likely that most spouses are “good” at it. In fact, most of us need to improve quite a bit in our role as a husband or wife.
So how do you know if you are an above average, super spouse or if you need to work to improve? This list should be helpful.
Ask yourself these 5 questions, and answer them honestly to know if you are a good wife/husband.
5. Do you talk to strangers in a kinder tone than you do your spouse? That is, do you reply in an annoyed, bullying, or impatient tone to your spouse but show patience and kindness to complete strangers? I’m not saying you should be rude or impatient with strangers, but I am saying that your spouse deserves a gentle, patient response from you far more than a telemarketer or receptionist. Think about who you are responding to.
4. Do you take out the stresses of the day on your spouse? Had a bad day at work? Then how dare your spouse ask you what you want for supper or if you would take the dog out. Even if we have to take a moment to calm and compose ourselves, we must become experts at separating work and other stresses from the way we react to the people we love. They don’t deserve your anger at the idiot at the office whose bad decision added to your work load. Your spouse (and your children) deserve your “best side” when possible and should be an opportunity for you to change your focus from the external stress of your day be it in an office building, construction site or at home.
3. Are you a yeller? Yelling (in anger) is very bad. It’s an emotional weapon intended to injure your spouse enough for you to get your way or make your point. The injuries add up to create grand canyons of distance and hurt in your marriage even if neither of you can verbalize why. Read more about how yelling can destroy your marriage (and how stopping can save it).
2. Do you reject your spouse? Yes, I’m talking about sexual rejection. Like yelling, this will also create deep hurt and resentment. The pain of sexual rejection will almost always be processed emotionally as a personal rejection of your spouse by you. Do yourself, your spouse, and your marriage a favor by having frequent sex that is as exciting, intimate, and mutually fulfilling as possible. But even “bad” sex, where neither of you would rate it as great, still brings you closer together and reduces stress. Frequent sex is one of the most powerful things you can do to keep your marriage strong and together. Also see “How Sexual Rejection Affects A Marriage.”
1. Do you punish your spouse for telling you the truth? According to Dr. Joe Beam, when we verbally attack, pout, withhold sex, yell or do something else when our spouse tells us something that’s true but we don’t want to hear, we are teaching him/her to lie to us. And lying destroys closeness and intimacy from both sides (the one being lied to and the one lying). If you ask your spouse a question, be prepared and willing to accept the truth. If you aren’t willing to accept the truth from your spouse or don’t want to hear the answer, don’t ask. Just know that to whatever degree your spouse feels punished by your reaction, to that degree you teach him/her to lie to you or tell you a partial truth next time and in the future.
Ask yourself these questions and be honest about your answers. Need to improve yourself as a spouse? It’s okay, a lot of us do. Knowing will help. Use the awareness to make permanent improvements and your marriage will shine.
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