Exhaustion: The Poison to Your Sex Drive
I’m not sure where I first heard the following quote, but it has stuck with me over the years: “We schedule our priorities and prioritize our schedule.”
I know I heard it from my dad when we discussed an excuse I made as a teenager in high school. I had dismissed my less-than-stellar school project because I claimed I didn’t “have time” to do it well.
He pointed out in a very direct way that I didn’t “have time” for the project because I didn’t care enough about it to make time. If I cared more about school, I would have “found time,” he said.
He was correct.
Over the years I’ve noticed many other areas of life that are very important, yet aren’t given the attention and nurturing they are warranted. One issue that stands out to marriage experts is the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. If you’re like most people, too often the energy we give to sexual intimacy with our spouse is what we have leftover. It’s what our jobs, house cleaning, school meetings, TV watching, yard work, bill paying and poor diets leave us to give the person who is supposed to be the most important to us.
Why do we often not prioritize our sexual relationships? Probably one reason is because we’ve convinced ourselves that work is a gift to our spouse and should be considered a reasonable excuse when we find our sexual relationship in an anemic state. But it’s not.
Research tells us that the more we work “for” our spouse, the odds of our marriage standing time’s test decrease. You see, when basic necessities are secure, the quality time given to building and nurturing our relationship becomes even more important.
In some cases, work only fuels resentment and bitterness from the financially dependent spouse. It’s not that she/he doesn’t appreciate the financial support, it’s that the old question we should all ask ourselves is begging to be considered–“Am I working to live or living to work?”
I’ll let you make your own conclusions for the first part of this article. Now comes the call of action.
Schedule Time for Sex
If it means getting up early or insisting the children be in bed on time, make time to be physically intimate with your spouse. Take all your vacation days, personal days, and “sick days” your employer offers.
Need an excuse for a sick day? How about prevention of marriage sickness that is caused by lack of intimacy? You don’t have to tell your boss that exact reason, but it’s your life, your marriage and if your “living to work” instead of the other way around, take all the time you can to rest, relax and reunite with your spouse.
Plan at least 3 times per week to commit to fulfilling your spouse sexually. Make this a time in your day when you have plenty of energy to devote and when you will not be bothered.
If you have to, sit down with a calendar or planner and block out times when you’re home from work, the kids are busy or supervised, and you are physically up to giving your spouse the best you have. This planning is equally important for each spouse. One of you might be in charge of making sure the children are at a friend’s house, soccer practice, visiting grandparents or with a babysitter. The other might be in charge of planning the location or removing obstacles such as meal preparation. Just make sure the two of you are united in removing obstacles and focusing on each other. Some of our diets are obstacles and need serious improvement so that we will have the energy required to truly make sex a time of bonding and joy for both of you. Our diet might also contribute to our sexual relationships by helping us look more physically attractive to our spouse.
Research unquestionably tells us that good sex contributes to good marriage relationships and if you are not nurturing your sex life you may starve your marriage to death.
The bottom line is that sex should not simply be a side item we occasionally choose when we have enough energy to begin but too little left to imagine fulfillment anywhere except in a distant world of rested and energetic bodies.
Though it’s tempting to nurture our children above our marriage, statistics tell us that children in homes with parents in strong marriages are more successful, mentally stable and have more self-esteem on average than children in homes with parents in weak relationships.
Sexual fulfillment contributes so much to a marriage relationship that we should give it priority over other events in life that should wait their turn for a change!
ALSO SEE: Coping With Sexual Anorexia and Aversion
ALSO SEE: What Is Limerence?
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