How To Stop A Divorce
If you don’t want a divorce to happen, you need to pay close attention.
Stop A Divorce
by Coach Lee
Your instincts usually betray you in this situation and that is why it is important to stay calm and to put together a plan.
In this video, I help you put together a plan to stop your divorce even if your spouse is having an affair or is in limerence with another person.
You might not have ever thought that the day would come when your husband or wife would tell you that they want a divorce. Yet here you are, seeking help to stop a divorce. You are likely panicked, emotional, and in the depths of sorrow.
Coach Lee shares his calm but powerful strategies of getting your spouse back even if they have told you that they want a divorce. Coach Lee can show you how to stop the divorce even if you are separated or your spouse isn’t speaking to you.
First, don’t panic if you want to stop your divorce
Sure, it’s easier said than done, but when you panic, you surrender most of your ability to be logical and reasonable.
Without logic and reason, your effectiveness and odds of success drop sharply.
So you should do your very best to stay calm and especially to show your spouse calm and poise in this situation.
Panic and anxiousness are not attractive traits. It will contribute to pushing your spouse away even more than they already are. I go into this in greater detail in the video above.
Second, apply the No Contact Rule
The worst time to try to talk your spouse into coming back is when he or she is trying to leave.
It is in that moment that your spouse is most set on leaving. They are resolved against you and are a brick wall.
You can’t fight them. It will just make them push harder. Your spouse must feel that you are not fighting if you want to stop your divorce.
Because if you chase your spouse, they will likely run further away.
Your best hope of slowing down your spouse’s effort to divorce you is to give them the impression that you aren’t trying to stop them.
Now I’m not suggesting that you pretend you want the divorce. Certainly not!
In fact, when your spouse first tells you that they want it, I believe that you should push back. You should tell your spouse that you love him or her and that you are willing to work it out.
But once your spouse is taking action to leave or has told you that they are not swayed by your desire to save your marriage, you must not beg, plead, cry, or try to talk them out of it.
There will be a time to talk to them again logically about this, but it needs to be when your fleeing spouse becomes more receptive.
At this point, you must give them what they are wanting to large degree and that is space from you.
That is where no contact comes in. It doesn’t mean that you ignore your spouse.
It just means that you aren’t, in general, attempting to reach out and speak to them (and you’re not sending him/her gifts either).
You limit your contact to matters related to any children or property you might have and you don’t reach out to your spouse but, instead, wait for him/her to reach out to you.
That means no calls, texts, emails, or letters to your spouse.
In that way, you cause any doubt that your spouse might have about leaving you to rise to the surface. And I assure you, in the vast majority of cases, your spouse has some doubt and is not one-hundred percent sure about leaving you.
He/she might feel a majority of their mind and emotions telling them to leave, but that means there is still a minority of them that can be strengthened and re-attracted.
If your spouse begins to think that you might not try to get him/her back and that there might even be the strong possibility that you could move on from this if they divorce you, your spouse will likely slow down their efforts.
They’ll at least have some pause.
The reason for that is because if the doubt in their mind is given more of a voice because you aren’t chasing (and that’s usually how it works), then they can be concerned that you might move too far away from them.
How is that for turning the tables?
If your spouse isn’t sure, then they won’t want you to get too far and often will start reaching out to you just to keep you close in case they realize they made a mistake at some point.
That’s an opportunity that you want if you want to stop your divorce.
Third, to stop your divorce be as attractive as possible
I’m not suggesting plastic surgery or dying your hair.
What I am suggesting is that you keep up your appearance and your emotional health as best you can.
As human beings, we are creatures who are visual as well as emotional. You deny this at your own determent if you want to stop your divorce.
Stay or become as fit as possible. Eat healthy foods. Read books that teach you new things.
Your spouse will likely notice – especially if he/she starts considering those doubts since you aren’t chasing them. Your spouse might want to meet up with you for coffee and if you want to stop your divorce, you’ll be prepared by being as physically attractive as you possibly can while also having great things to talk about due to your efforts to become more intellectually and emotionally attractive.
Get Legal Representation
None of this is fun, though you should be trying to have fun when and where you can, but this part might be the most unpleasant.
You need to defend yourself.
People often become monsters when trying to divorce someone.
You might not believe your spouse is capable but I’ve seen it too many times and am convinced that you will be surprised to see what your spouse is capable of under these circumstances.
You don’t want to navigate the legal waters by yourself.
At least have a conversation with a divorce attorney so that he/she can advise you in what not to do.
Remember, if you spouse has a lawyer – and they might not tell you if they do – then your emails, texts, and maybe even phone conversations are likely being shared with their lawyer.
Be careful because some things you say can be used against you in ways you never even thought of! That’s where a good attorney can help you, so do yourself a favor and get legal representation.
Closing Thoughts On Preventing A Divorce
Remember to take this one day and one breath at a time.
Reacting out of panic, with the flight or fight response, will likely harm your efforts to prevent your spouse from divorcing you.
Go out with friends or invite a close friend over.
Make a list of your friends, tell them that you are going through a difficult time, and ask that they go out or visit with you because you need it. And you do!
Avoid going overboard, but if you feel you can confide in your friends, tell them some things about what is going on but avoid slamming your spouse. That’s important because those things could find their way to your spouse or his/her attorney and that could get you in trouble in addition to creating more negatives with your spouse.
Remember, one day at a time.
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