Interesting Questions to Ask Your Spouse or Partner to Build Intimacy

There are many out there who get intimacy mixed up with other healthy relationship “requirements.”

Intimacy is not the same thing as sexuality and is not the same thing as passion.

So what is it?

Intimacy is “in-to-me-see”!

It is truly knowing and trusting your partner; it is being vulnerable around each other; it is absolute commitment and understanding; it is offering up care and compassion in times of need; it is being a “we” and not a “me”; and it is open and honest communication.

There are so many invaluable characteristics that make up the simple word intimacy. 

Some couples have a natural knack for intimacy.

It makes the rest of us ponder, Is that what my spouse and I should really be like?

Can intimacy be lost in a relationship?

Maybe not completely lost; but there sure can be a decrease of it for various reasons.

A few potential reasons why a couple might have intimacy issues are: a fear of intimacy by one or both people, negative self-worth, body image, or low self-esteem, sexual performance anxiety, jealousy or resentment, a cheating spouse, fear of rejection, or due to one who is emotionally distant.  

If you are part of a couple who has lost some of the spark and you are wanting to get that back, by reading this article you are on the right track toward building or rebuilding that intimacy you desperately crave.

Below is a homework activity that you and your partner/spouse can engage in that will help. 

There is a prerequisite to the task below:

You and your partner/spouse must be willing to have an open mind and a will to communicate honestly with one another. 

The following are questions/conversation starters that you can ask one another to help bridge the gap and increase the intimacy between the two of you.

Give it a try!

  1. Tell me about your most cherished memory from childhood.
  2. Describe three things that you think we have in common with one another.
  3. What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in life?
  4. Describe your “perfect day.”
  5. Tell me the story about our very first date; how did you feel?
  6. If you could change one thing about your life, what would that be and why?
  7. Describe what your pretend superhero power would be.
  8. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
  9.  What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment in life?
  10.  What is your biggest regret in life?
  11.  If you could cook me any elaborate meal, what would it be?
  12.  If you could describe yourself as a type of wine, what would you be and why?
  13. Tell me the most ridiculous thing you have ever done.
  14.  If qualities in a relationship were pizza toppings, what are your top three?
  15.  Tell me about a difficult memory from childhood. 
  16.  Are you anxious about getting older? Explain.
  17.  Tell me a secret.
  18.  If you had to choose between being blind or deaf, what would you choose?
  19.  Tell me what you admire about me. 
  20.  If we had to redo our first date, what would we do? 
  21.  Where do you see us in 10 years? 20? 30? 
  22.  When did you last cry? What made you cry?
  23.  If the house is on fire, what three things would you run in to save?
  24. What celebrity couple reminds you of us the most? Why?
  25. Tell me what love truly means to you.

Of course, there are many other entertaining, serious, and inquisitive questions that can be asked!

These questions really make you think, help you get to know your partner/spouse more deeply, and create a vulnerable atmosphere that you both can share together.

Intimacy is something a couple needs to continuously work on–even for those who seem to be more natural at it.

When intimacy starts to decrease, this can negatively impact other areas of a relationship and is often a reason for couples to call it quits.

Get creative, keep working on it, and build healthy intimacy with your partner/spouse. 

Coach Lee
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Coach Lee

Coach Lee helps people save marriages from divorce. No matter the situation, there is hope with the appropriate response. Rely on Lee's 22 years of experience in working with couples in troubled relationships.

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