How To Stop A Divorce

In this video, relationship strategist, Coach Lee, will show you how to stop a divorce.

If you don’t want a divorce to happen, you need to pay close attention.

Stop A Divorce

by Coach Lee

Your instincts usually betray you in this situation and that is why it is important to stay calm and to put together a plan.

In this video, I help you put together a plan to stop your divorce even if your spouse is having an affair or is in limerence with another person.

You might not have ever thought that the day would come when your husband or wife would tell you that they want a divorce. Yet here you are, seeking help to stop a divorce. You are likely panicked, emotional, and in the depths of sorrow.

Coach Lee shares his calm but powerful strategies of getting your spouse back even if they have told you that they want a divorce. Coach Lee can show you how to stop the divorce even if you are separated or your spouse isn’t speaking to you.

First, don’t panic if you want to stop your divorce

Sure, it’s easier said than done, but when you panic, you surrender most of your ability to be logical and reasonable.

Without logic and reason, your effectiveness and odds of success drop sharply.

So you should do your very best to stay calm and especially to show your spouse calm and poise in this situation.

Panic and anxiousness are not attractive traits. It will contribute to pushing your spouse away even more than they already are.

I go into this in greater detail in the video above.

If you are separated, here are some positive signs during separation.

Second, Use Strategic Contact and Space At The Right Time

The worst time to try to talk your spouse into coming back is often when they are actively trying to leave.

At that moment, your spouse is usually the most set on their decision. They are emotionally braced, resistant, and often unwilling to consider anything that sounds like persuasion.

If you push against that, they tend to push back harder.

So in the early stage, it’s important to acknowledge how they feel and why. Let them know that you love them, that you are willing to work on the marriage, and that you believe it can be saved.

That matters.

But after you’ve clearly communicated that, continuing to repeat it or trying to convince them further often stops helping.

There is a point where more effort does not create more connection. It creates more resistance.

When your spouse becomes cold, distant, or even harsh, that is usually a sign that they are not in a place to receive what you are saying. Trying to force the conversation at that stage can actually make them feel more certain about leaving.

This is where your approach needs to shift.

Instead of continuing to pursue, you begin to give them space.

Not as a tactic to manipulate them, and not because you are giving up, but because pressure at this stage is working against you.

You are showing your spouse that you are not going to fight them, argue with them, or try to wear them down.

That alone can change the dynamic.

There will be a time to talk again, logically and calmly, about the relationship. But it needs to happen when your spouse is more open and receptive, not when they are actively pulling away.

In the meantime, you focus on reducing tension and allowing their emotions to settle.

This is where what I call strategic space comes in.

It doesn’t mean that you ignore your spouse or pretend they don’t exist. It means that you are not, in general, initiating contact to talk about the relationship or trying to pull them back in.

You limit communication to what is necessary, such as matters involving children or shared responsibilities, and you allow them to reach out to you.

That means no repeated calls, texts, emails, or attempts to convince them.

Why does this matter?

Because when you stop chasing, something important can happen.

Any doubt your spouse has about leaving is no longer being drowned out by pressure. It has room to surface.

And in most cases, your spouse does have some level of doubt.

They may feel mostly certain, but that does not mean they are one hundred percent sure.

When you are not pushing, they no longer feel the same urgency to get away from you. In fact, they may begin to feel a different kind of concern.

They may start to wonder if you will move on.

They may start to miss the connection.

They may reach out, even in small ways, just to keep that connection from fading completely.

That is an opportunity.

Not to overwhelm them, but to begin interacting in a calmer, more positive way that rebuilds attraction over time.

The goal is not to force them back.

The goal is to change the dynamic so that coming back becomes something they consider on their own.

When Pushing Starts Working Against You

There is a point where trying harder stops helping and actually starts working against you.

In the beginning, it’s natural to want to explain, to fix things, and to show your spouse how much you care. Some of that effort can be helpful if it is calm and respectful.

But once your spouse becomes resistant, continued pushing often creates more distance instead of less.

If they feel like they are being persuaded, pressured, or pulled back in, they tend to dig their heels in further.

What might have been uncertainty can turn into certainty simply because they feel the need to defend their decision.

This is where many people unintentionally hurt their chances.

They think, “If I just say it better or try harder, it will work.”

But at this stage, more effort usually means more resistance.

That’s why stepping back and giving space is not giving up.

It is a shift in strategy.

You are not abandoning the marriage. You are removing the pressure that is pushing your spouse away and allowing them to experience you differently.

There will be a time to engage again, but it needs to be when your spouse is more open and receptive.

Until then, less pressure often creates more opportunity than continued pursuit.

That is where strategic space comes in. It doesn’t mean that you ignore your spouse.

It just means that you aren’t, in general, attempting to reach out and speak to them (and you’re not sending him/her gifts either).

You limit your contact to matters related to any children or property you might have and you don’t reach out to your spouse but, instead, wait for him/her to reach out to you.

That means no calls, texts, emails, or letters to your spouse.

In that way, you cause any doubt that your spouse might have about leaving you to rise to the surface. And I assure you, in the vast majority of cases, your spouse has some doubt and is not one-hundred percent sure about leaving you.

He/she might feel a majority of their mind and emotions telling them to leave, but that means there is still a minority of them that can be strengthened and re-attracted.

If your spouse begins to think that you might not try to get him/her back and that there might even be the strong possibility that you could move on from this if they divorce you, your spouse will likely slow down their efforts.

They’ll at least have some pause.

The reason for that is because if the doubt in their mind is given more of a voice because you aren’t chasing (and that’s usually how it works), then they can be concerned that you might move too far away from them.

How is that for turning the tables?

If your spouse isn’t sure, then they won’t want you to get too far and often will start reaching out to you just to keep you close in case they realize they made a mistake at some point.

That’s an opportunity that you want if you want to stop your divorce.

Third, to stop your divorce be as attractive as possible

I’m not suggesting plastic surgery or dying your hair.

What I am suggesting is that you keep up your appearance and your emotional health as best you can.

As human beings, we are creatures who are visual as well as emotional. You deny this at your own determent if you want to stop your divorce.

Stay or become as fit as possible. Eat healthy foods. Read books that teach you new things.

Your spouse will likely notice – especially if he/she starts considering those doubts since you aren’t chasing them. Your spouse might want to meet up with you for coffee and if you want to stop your divorce, you’ll be prepared by being as physically attractive as you possibly can while also having great things to talk about due to your efforts to become more intellectually and emotionally attractive.

Get Legal Representation

None of this is fun, though you should be trying to have fun when and where you can, but this part might be the most unpleasant.

You need to defend yourself.

People often become monsters when trying to divorce someone.

You might not believe your spouse is capable but I’ve seen it too many times and am convinced that you will be surprised to see what your spouse is capable of under these circumstances.

You don’t want to navigate the legal waters by yourself.

At least have a conversation with a divorce attorney so that he/she can advise you in what not to do.

Remember, if you spouse has a lawyer – and they might not tell you if they do – then your emails, texts, and maybe even phone conversations are likely being shared with their lawyer.

Be careful because some things you say can be used against you in ways you never even thought of! That’s where a good attorney can help you, so do yourself a favor and get legal representation.

Closing Thoughts On Preventing A Divorce

Remember to take this one day and one breath at a time.

Reacting out of panic, with the flight or fight response, will likely harm your efforts to prevent your spouse from divorcing you.

Go out with friends or invite a close friend over.

Make a list of your friends, tell them that you are going through a difficult time, and ask that they go out or visit with you because you need it. And you do!

Avoid going overboard, but if you feel you can confide in your friends, tell them some things about what is going on but avoid slamming your spouse. That’s important because those things could find their way to your spouse or his/her attorney and that could get you in trouble in addition to creating more negatives with your spouse.

Remember, one day at a time.

Get my POWERFUL guide to getting your spouse back, with my Emergency Marriage Kit!

-Coach Lee